The Vending M/C Gourmet

Push-button democracy

2008-02-18T05:24:00.000-08:00

We are going through the process of changing our vending machine supplier at work, as part of the process the staff selected the foods they most wanted to see in the machines

Top Choices

Mini Cheddars

McCoys Flame grilled steak

McVities Mini Digestives

Walkers Roast Chicken Crisps

Walkers Salt & Vinegar Crisps

Walkers Baked Ready Salted

Maltesers Bag

Minstrels

Diary Milk Caramel bars

Crunchie bars

Kellogg Special K Bars

Day trip to Munich

2007-08-20T04:49:00.000-07:00

Munich is currently suffering a heatwave and we need to see if we can get some portable air conditioners.

Japanese Error Messages

2007-07-30T13:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my colleague Rachel for forwarding these gems to me. 14 actual error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku.

If you are moving up the emotional scale, these are better than "Your computer has performed an illegal operation" ~ (i dont know if these are real, but i thought they were funny)

1. The web site you seek can not be located, but countless more exist.

2. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return.

3. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much.

4. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams.

5. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that.

6. Your file was so big. It might be very useful. But now it is gone.

7. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down.

8. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

9. Three things are certain: death, taxes and lost data. Guess which one has occurred?

10. You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here.

11. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, but we never will.

12. Having been erased, the document you're seeking must now be retyped.

13. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.

14. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

The difference between cats and dogs

2007-07-14T14:35:00.000-07:00

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
—————————
Day number 180

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got stroked and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the garden! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Day number 181

8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got stroked and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the garden! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT’S DIARY
—————————
Day 752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

Day 761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair…must try this on their bed.

Day 765
Today I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am… Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

Day 768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

Day 771
Today, there was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call “beer”. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now…

The first post

2007-06-05T03:15:00.000-07:00

This is the first post in an occasional blog about how life and Dilbert cartoons occasionally collide. This doesn't mean to say that I have a boss like Dilbert and I have yet to work with a Dogbert type character. But it's only a matter of time.

The title of the blog came from when I was working in the office late one night sitting on one of them conference calls that has 15 minutes of content and 45 minutes of procastination. I was given an apple by one of my colleagues, who then went on to tell me how well it went with Mini Cheddars in the office vending machine. Mini Cheddars are a cheap UK equivalent of Cheez-Its, but less classy and more orange. If Twinkees are trailer park, Mini Cheddars are skid-row. The rest as they say is history.